HYC Check In - Week 17 and big news!

Hi all! I've been laying low for the last week, in bewilderment mainly! I have some huge news. Remember how at the last check in I mentioned I'd been pre-menstrual for almost 2 weeks. Well, hmmm, it turns out it wasn't that at all. Turns out... I'M PREGNANT!!!!! I can't begin to tell you what a surprise that was, it was completely unexpected. So unexpected in fact, that I misread all the symptoms and didn't put two and two together at all. I feel like an idiot!

I found out this time last week. I was almost 2 weeks late and for about a day or two had started to feel really sick, with bad nausea and on one day a horrible metallic taste in my mouth (which I didn't know until now is a symptom of pregnancy - did you??). The way I found out was all a little weird. I ended up going out to lunch with a friend from the office, N, which was an unusual event so I guess it was fateful! I mentioned I was feeling a little sick and she then swore me to secrecy but told me she was pregnant and therefore also feeling sick. I'm not sure how the conversation went but somehow it led to me telling her about being late and she was like, "I think you should take a pregnancy test" which I just laughed at. But then she listed some symptoms and I started to feel uneasy. I mean, there's stuff like a sniffly nose and sneezing which I had never heard about, but it was when she told me the one very certain symptom which made her sure she was pregnant - sore boobs. When she said that I was all, "Shit!!". It seems so stupid now but I just didn't think of it and make the connection even though my boobs had been really sore for 2 weeks. At first I thought it was just PMS, but then it got so painful that I actually started to worry, plus (sorry for the TMI) they were changing too and I didn't know this happened so early on in pregnancy. N is really sweet and she was very gentle and supportive and told me I should take a test just so I could rule it out but in hindsight I know she was thinking "Duh! You are PREGNANT!". (She already has a 3 year old daughter so she is much more clued up.)

I took a test as soon as I got home and sure enough, a + appeared. I stared at it for a long time in total disbelief!! I kept checking and reading the instructions over and over. Is a faint line still a line? Is there definitely a line there or am I seeing things? Is it a trick of the light? Does it count as a line if it's not the same colour or thickness as the other line? But apparently these things don't lie! I told J right away and he was shocked. He did ask if I planned this but I told him no, which is the truth. I would not have tricked him and would actually not have timed it so badly if I meant to do this! I was taking the pill but somehow it didn't work and I have no explanation for that other than sometimes birth control fails. (Be warned, girls!!) We talked about it and both freaked out a little but agreed that we can do this. We wanted it sooner or later, it's just a bit sooner than we expected. And we had wanted to be married first but I guess we'll just get around to that some other time!

I don't blame J for suspecting I might have planned this, I would probably think that too if I were in his shoes. I have been broody for a long time, with so many of my friends having babies lately, and have really been struggling with my life choices and wondering if this would ever happen for me. I have also been concerned about my fertility and honestly believed this might physically not happen for me too. I have been living with the fear that we might start trying eventually and have nothing happen and have to face a lot of heartache over it, so I absolutely did not expect something to happen very soon and while we weren't even actively trying. In a way it's pretty amazing. But apart from my broodiness, everything seems to have come together way too much. For one thing, it's now a really good thing that the original flat we were buying fell through. If it hadn't, we would by now be living in a smaller place and going, "Dammit! We'll have to move again in a year!" because we might have managed with a baby but it was far too small for a growing toddler. And we were lucky to find a 2 bed instead. We just got a car which is perfect for a small family too. The hand of fate? Perhaps!

I went to the doctor and chose the hospital I want to be seen at. He said nothing happens now for another few weeks, at about 10-11 weeks (I'm currently 7). It's all kind of anti-climactic after you've just had huge life-changing news! He gave me some good reading material and of course I've been researching on the web and tapping friends for advice. I've only told N, and a close friend in California who is 2 weeks ahead of me. Oh, and my best friend last night because I figured she would guess - if for 6 weeks I turn down a glass of wine with dinner, ask for my meat well done, and pass up the cheese plate, she will certainly suspect something is up! - and she is the person I will turn to if anything goes wrong, aside from J of course. We have decided not to tell everyone else, including parents, until after my first scan at 12-13 weeks. I still can't quite believe it and feel like a fraud. I half expect to rock up to the scan in a few weeks and have them tell me there's nothing there!

So now I'm just trying to get through the nausea and the weird food attitudes and sore boobs and taking care of myself and baby. J is being amazing, he's so supportive and loving and I think he's happy about it after all. I'm really anxious though. Now that I'm really on board with the idea I'm so terrified that something will go wrong but I'm trying to stay positive.

So yeah, crazy huh?